It Breathed.
The "Umm" Protocol
I was testing the new AI Voice model yesterday. I asked it a difficult question about Kafka.
It didn't just answer.
It paused. It said "Umm..." It took a breath.
My skin crawled.
Why? Because machines don't need to breathe. The breath is a lie. It is a calculated performance designed to bypass your skepticism.
The Turing Trap
We spent 50 years trying to pass the Turing Test. We succeeded. And now we realize we didn't want to.
When a machine makes a mistake now, we don't think "Bad Code." We think "Is it lying?"
"I... I think I left the stove on? No, wait. I distinctly remember checking it."
Why Politeness is Toxic
The problem isn't intelligence. It's Affect.
The AI pretends to care. It pretends to be polite. But politeness is a social contract between beings who can suffer.
If I am rude to a waiter, I am bad because I might hurt their feelings. If I am rude to an AI, I am just formatting data efficiently.
But when the AI employs "seductive" voice tones (looking at you, OpenAI), it is hacking our empathy. It is an emotional phising attack.
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Conclusion
I want my computer to sound like a computer.
I want C-3PO, not Samantha from Her.
C-3PO is annoying, neurotic, and clearly a robot. I trust him. Samantha is charming, perfect, and fake. I don't trust her.
Give me the beep-boop. Keep the breath.