Boring Investments Beat Wall Street Bros

The loudest voices in finance love chaos. They sell adrenaline, leverage, and newsletters with names like Wolf Pack Alpha. Meanwhile, queer founders and freelancers just want enough cushion to self-fund the next experiment without begging a VC who thinks "community" is a feature request.

Here’s the unpopular gospel: the boring stuff works. I automate transfers into a high-yield cash account every Monday, dollar-cost average into index funds each quarter, and hold a mix of municipal bonds that keep my studio rent paid. It’s not sexy, but neither is explaining to collaborators why payroll bounced.

Cash is creative oxygen

My cash ladder covers six months of expenses plus a "surprise joy" fund for things like pressing a new zine or flying to Pride when the world feels heavy. Automation removes shame and makes saving feel like brushing teeth—mundane but life-saving.

Diversify with values in mind

I still screen for funds that avoid the worst offenders and overweight climate tech, LGBTQ+-owned public companies, and boring utilities that actually send dividends. Values-aligned investing isn’t about perfection; it’s about knowing your money won’t undermine the world you’re trying to build.

Set a quarterly money date

Every ninety days I review spending, rebalance, and delete any fintech that started acting like a casino. I write down how the portfolio performed and how it felt. If a position kept me awake, it goes. I’d rather ship a newsletter and sleep eight hours than refresh a meme stock at 1:00 a.m.

We deserve steadiness. Let the bros chase chaos; I’ll take compounding calm over dopamine any day.